November 2011

Pictures tell the story of our lives:

Diggin potatoes with Mema and Papa!

Ella's First Day of Preschool!

Leah and Logan's First Day of Kindergarten

Ella the Fairy Princess!!!

Just like Big Sisters!!!

Logan at Dance Class!

Leah the Ballerina

Ella and Isaac's Baptism

Our TRUE Kids!!!

Moving...

Yep…we're moving in A direction. One moment I believe that we making strides in the direction toward healing and bonding and attachment. Other moments, albeit fewer and farther between, the side steps and the backward walking is a necessary process of this journey. This is all understood that being at home with Ella during this very difficult time for all of us is not only very important but yep…you got it…very taxing on this momma! Ya love her, ya &*%&^% her! Then you love her again and pray that you end on a good note for the evening!!!! Over all, in the few weeks that therapy has been in session…we have had some amazing conversations with Ella and some really poignant topics have come up and out. I'm thrilled to have her be able to share this with me..her MOMMY!

Life continues to move on for all of the others in addition to Ella as well. Isaac is the spawn of a monster. He's approaching 2 years old and he could be the Devil in disguise. He is a wuss for all thinks that go "BUMP" and is the instigator for all of the other things. He's cute but that's all. What a set of lungs and an attitude on that child…..oye!!!!

Leah and Logan….fun, fun, fun! Leah has 2 new therapists here in the home who are amazing and are pushing her little buns right through to amazing heights. I never knew, or even imagined that I would be spending my teacher salary to pay teachers for my kids…but what an important investment!

Logan is Queen Sassy. She thinks she knows it all, can do it all and WILL do it all. Just because I am who I am, I will let her try and then I will be there to wipe her tears and then show her how it's done!!!! That's my sass coming out!!! She's a lot of fun right now….just a growing up toooooooo fast!

We are just coming home from a trip from the Cottage at Higgins and rushing to prepare for a SURPRISE trip to Disney. None of the kids know…SSSSSHHHHHHH…they will be told on Saturday with a treasure hunt that will be recorded. Then we will all fly out of Flint on Sunday at 7. So, adios MI…hope to NOT see you again!

Josh and I are hanging in. Josh is busy…at work right now (10 at night) trying to catch up on items before vacation!!! I am in bed, where I've been a lot. My heart is a mess and I'm trying to barrel through…just if you don't know…HEART MEDICATION STINKS IN EVERY WAY SHAPE AND FORM!

We will try to update, at least on Facebook, some pics and I can add some here!

Love to all-

Kristin

Next Step

I've waited such a long time to write this post. I've eluded toward the topic, made some pretty leading statements. Even said some things that may have seemed, to some, as raw or inconsiderate. I don't regret what I have said, nor what has been done. If any of you know me well enough, that's one of my goals in life: To live without regret.

You are all wondering what I am referring to here, right? I am referring to the fact that Josh and I have stepped into the world of attachment therapy with Ella Miheret. We began our counseling journey a couple of weeks back together, but tonight was Ella's first night with Mr. Kurt. We are on our way to finding the new Knight Family norm…a calmer, happier and more loving norm than for the past 10 months.

Adoption is a magical journey through which God has made me a stronger, more confident individual; a more patient and playful person. Adoption of an older child (age 3) was always explained to us as different in terms of needs and post-adoption care and follow-through. We knew, read, understood. WRONG! Every "older" child comes home to their forever family with such individualized needs, past lives, birth stories, etc. that no forever family can be totally prepared if not for being a therapist themselves!

Our home has been turned up-side-down in terms of emotional stability for all of its members. Our once calm home of 4 humans and 2 dogs, has turned into an emotional nightmare based on how Ella is handling a situation. Thus, in turn, how mom and dad react to Ella's behaviors. The Knight house has been just that for 10 months…a house…not a home. We need this to be a home. A place of comfort FOR ALL, a place of fun and happiness FOR ALL, and a place for appropriate behaviors and consequences FOR ALL.

Counseling will be for Dad, Mom and Ella sorting through some feelings left from Ethiopia as well as talking about transitioning into a family of 6 in the USA. This is a long and tangled process. Please support us in our attachment and family-bonding process. We will be parenting with consistency yet with different boundaries based on child. This is important for all of you to know so you don't feel a need to judge, but can lend a supportive shoulder after the consequences are handed out as well as the cuddles and chats are completed too!

So, if you wonder, do I regret the adoption….NO WAY!!!! Do I regret I didn't get the counseling sooner? Not really. I think I had to be ready in order to do all of the things that we need to do in order to help Ella understand what is happening. With all things with adoption, the timing is right when it's supposed to be! Do I love Ella? You betcha! She's got lots more great things in her than not! Ella's gonna change the world for the better! I know it!!!!

If any of you have questions about our decision for counseling or about our journey since we've been home, please ask me. I'm on Facebook, email, or here. I'm trying to use this type of post to help others. I had never read one blog of someone I knew that went through this. Just ask!!

FINALLY? REALLY?

Now's the time to FINALLY write a post. Now's the time to sit and reflect on…ummm…how many months has it been? REALLY??? AAAH!

I've basically felt like this next post has been hanging over my head for as long as I haven't written. But who REALLY has the time to spend on a blog post? Well, me…FINALLY, REALLY!

We are beating to a different drummer these days. One beat to the twins' agenda, one beat to Ella's agenda, another to Isaac's…but we just can't seem to get those beats into any kind of rhythm. But we just keep on marching, so…FINALLY…updates:

Leah is doing amazing! She continues to have daily ABA/VB therapy but with a new teacher. Miss Morgan is her name…and she's great! Leah looks forward to her daily sessions and is making awesome progress. Leah and I have recently had our first back and forth conversation together. Upon reflection, I can't really believe that it's been nearly 6 years of always talking towards or at Leah…but it's awe inspiring that I REALLY did have that conversation! Leah finished up preschool and has graduated to kindergarten. The excitement sometimes overwhelms her and she just can't control herself at this fact! Leah is also involved in youth soccer and enjoyed the preferred hip-hop class! She's ready for the real world!

Logan is also doing amazing things. We like to call her the "alpha" in this family as she is a little-mommy, a little boss, and the ring master of the kid-circus. The girl talks like she's 16 but still aches for that cuddle time! Oh---the in-between!!!! Logan has also graduated preschool and will move on to "high school"…in her words and mind! Guess she's got this whole school thing figured out more than all of us!!!! She's also been a great soccer player….very aggressive on the field, and a very smooth hip-hopper! She's got some Latina flair, that's for sure!

Little Miss Ella has also graduated her first round of preschool. She will return to preschool in the fall for some much needed Americanized education and socialization. Teachers told us at conferences she was the mild, meek and silent girl in class. REALLY? My jaw nearly dropped to the floor when these statements came out of the teacher's mouth. She IS NOT any of those…REALLY! Ella is playing youth soccer too. They call her "the little scrapper"! She's not afraid to get in there and just kick….kick the ball, kick the air, kick others. Whatever it takes to get that ball down the field! Ella has nearly mastered English…what an amazing process to witness and be a part of. Frustrating at times, but WOW! She is receiving speech therapy as she has quite the accent from her first languages. She is also getting glasses. Yep, they're gonna be pink…like her wardrobe!

Isaac is all-boy!!! Oh boy is he all boy! Bumps, bruises, bloody lipS! He's all about being outside and with his older sisters…at all times! He's mastered the slide and swinging on his tummy! He's also daddy's sidekick on the John Deere lawn tractor. Josh doesn't drive that silly thing without Isaac on his knee. I'm sure Josh is tickled…having his little man LOVE the tractor. I can imagine Josh talking to Isaac while on the mower saying, "Now see Isaac, straight diagonals are the most important while mowing!" Isaac is now talking in phrases, running like a chicken with his head cut off, starting to be quite agile on stairs, all while maintaining a detestable temper! OYE VAY…the boy has an attitude! Thank goodness he's cute with deep dimples!

Josh and I are learning a new norm for the household. It's still an act of survival and a feeling of nearly drowning each day! Every once in a while, we act like we got these parenting and attachment things licked…other times not so much. The kids remain to try to adjust to family life with more siblings than ever before as well as to family in general. We try to parent 4 very different children with some fairness and equality as well as adjust to the hectic schedule of working, soccer, hip hop, therapy and the most necessary-family time.

So, FINALLY an update. I hope to be able to update and post more as summer approaches and I get a break from teaching! Stay tuned for more adventures. I promise, REALLY!

What's Been Happening, You Ask?

The Holiday's are over, January is behind us, even Valentine's Day has come and gone. Winter of 2011 is steadily moving along. In all honesty, it can't move fast enough for this wanna-be southerner! But, still here in Michigan, we have made it thus far this new year.

...BARELY...

Let me tell you, 2010 had nuttin' on 2011! Shoo-weeee! Eleven has got us over the knee so far!

January really wasn't so bad! Just a bit of snow to make everything white and icy! Not to mention to make for dicey driving for this commuter. That 50 minute drive turned into something more like 75-80 minutes most mornings, and continues to be so.

February, on the other hand, has flown this family two tall 'birds'...for lack of a better phrase. I can't even put my finger on a date of when all this whole hoopla began, but it hasn't ended yet and it's now the 22nd. Let me try to outline this all for you:

• Ella falls sick: sinus infection with croup-y cough - no day care/school
• Logan falls sick: same crap, 4 days later - no day care/school
• Day care provider falls sick: Strain of influenza - no day care for 5 days for all 4 kids!
• Did I mention that I'm almost out of sick days to use at school...Dad takes kids to work...Coo-Coo!!!! (Adoption+Leah in hospital=1 day left!!!)
• Mom falls sick and goes to ER on Sunday morning: Kidney stones...passed one, one to go (Morphine and Vicodin help, but cannot cover this pain!) - 1 day off for me...Dr's orders!
• Leah falls sick: Ear infection - no day care or school
• Mom has skin cancer removed - 12 external stitches with many more on sub-q layer

You can say that this is an exhaustive list...but it's not! I didn't put down the fact that each kid had their own turn at the Dr. My mom, Mema, was over for what must have seemed like a hundred+ hours watching the kids between her work and 'life' schedule. Josh and I both tried to work in between this mess! We are just hoping that this month will soon end and March will NOT COME IN LIKE A LION...but rather stroll in like a tame little putty-tat! We could use a break, I think. Or is this what we signed on for?

A Video is Worth a Million Words

Christmas 2010

We enjoyed a family Christmas the Saturday before Christmas; the girls donned their "Christmas Princesses" and Isaac got his stud outfit on! Josh and I dressed as Eddie and Catherine from Christmas Vacation. Note the tacky outfit in my first pic with I-man...and the curly bouffant hair! We served all of the Hollywood classics including Aunt Bethany's special green jell-o mold with "meow mix" aka ABC pretzels! We have a fun sense of humor but still celebrated the true reason for the day!

Christmas Princesses

Aunt Shannon and Ella...munchin' and luvin'

Mommy and Isaac...his first Christmas present!!

L and L's Christmas Concert at Prime Time

Our girls and their 'besties', Joslyn and Jenna

Logan giving Mommy her BEAUTIFUL present!

We once again we had two very special visitors to our home...yep the man and woman in red! Lines, fake North Pole, crabby elf-photographer, smelly mall Santa's with union mandated breaks every 30 minutes (no offense anyone, I'm union and am a supporter! Haha)! We had the real flippin' deal right here in our living room, snowy boots, candy in his beard, magic dust and all!

The Man Himself

Ella's Big Moment

Logan's Turn

Leah's Moment in the Lap

My FAVORITE Picture of the Season!!!!

Christmas morning 2010 was historic...Santa came, presents were left under the tree and in the stockings, all four kids were up at 6:30 and now the historic part...not one present from under the tree was opened until 9:00. Yep...admire that! all of you people who were up at 4 AM!!! Teehee!!! Daddy made our traditional homemade cinnamon rolls and fresh squeezed OJ. The house smelled of amazing aroma. Coffee brewed and Mema and Papa arrived to celebrate the gifts!

Calling Dr. Ella!

Who Can Beat Hello Kitty Make-Up? Santa Rocks!

Isaac just liked the box...go figure!

"Hooray! Socks, yeah, flippin' socks Santa! Really Santa? You can't do better?"

Overall, Ella and Isaac loved being home, loved the experience of Christmas and loved having their family around them so much. Logan was oblivious to having siblings, Ella and Isaac or even her twin (which is rare as Logan and Leah are often inseparable here at home), as Santa and presents were very important to her this year. Leah still would prefer to act and behave as if Ella and Isaac do not live here nor exist at all. Naturally she loved having Logan around, but overall the Holidays were very overstimulating to Leah. She really seemed to enjoy when we went back to a routine this past week and see her familiar "peep's"!!! In fact, routine is a blessing for this family of 6!

Another Dose of Reality

Each day I am reminded of Ella and Isaac's life in Ethiopia in some way, big or small. More often than not, it's in just a small way: a look of confusion, a lack of an English word at the time of need, a cry of frustration, or a wonderful demonstration of pretend play! But there is always something.

Well, the other day I was reminded in yet another BIG, another eye-opening way. One that made me gulp and tear up several times...

I was at work teaching and all of a sudden I was struck with a horrible stomach ache. It was one of those aches where you just want to ball up and not be social or maternal! I toughed it out and made it home to the couch. I was at least home. Ahhh! In the comfort of my husband and kids! Logan was busy with her pretend play, Leah was happy playing the computer, Isaac was eating (big surprise!!!), but Ella was staring daggers at me. Daggers of fear! Her big beautiful brown eyes looked at me, then looked away...her eyes darted away from mine. I didn't give it much thought until I naturally began reassuring her, "Mama's okay...her tummy is ouchie. She'll be okay."

LIGHT BULB MOMENT

Ella was remembering losing a biological relative due to extreme illness. I believe she was fearful of repeating this history.

Well, my tummy ache wasn't worth her heart ache so up I got and held her to comfort her and assure her that mommy was and will be okay. My heart ached for hers. My tears welled for her painful memories. I lost all thought of the here and now! I went into "Ella-memory-mode".

This is just another example of something that could never have been predicted...but I dealt with fairly well (if I do say so myself!!!). Ella slept fine that night and woke with a happy and refreshed spirit! That's what this is all about!

...and my tummy ache only lasted another 2 days! Better now :)

Home...

Leah is home. What a relief for her and us!

I will have to admit that there was a point on Tuesday evening, late, when she spiked another high fever (103.6) when both Josh and I were thinking we were in the middle of a nightmare worse than a virus. We met with the doctors, the charge nurse and really asked the big question. Is this really only a virus, could it be ANYTHING worse? Why is she so miserable? Why is she spiking so often? Why is she so lethargic? Why? WHY?

Answer: A huge virus, maybe EBV (mono) - we don't know YET - that has just taken over her little body and there is nothing that anyone can do other than support her with fluids and Tylenol. It is not anything but this, they believe, based on the blood work and the cultures.

Us: Okay, breathe and regroup. Keep the energy up so we can just make it through.

Sunday/Today: Leah is home, eating minimally and drinking well. She has a very low-grade temp (99.0) but still is sleeping a great deal. She will have an appointment with her regular pediatrician Monday. Logan also has a low-grade temp but has mouth sores so she is drinking only water and eating some foods. She is lethargic and lazy too! Both girls have had their fill of movies and their Leapster!

Ella and Isaac have maintained their health, thus far. Amen! I can only hope and pray that they will continue to stay healthy. This was way too scary and traumatic for the girls. Traumatic for Leah, being in the hospital. But traumatic for Logan being away from her twin for so long! They have been like glue since Leah came home late Thursday evening. It's been very sweet!!!

We all missed some very exciting Holiday activities due to these illnesses. So, it's not been a great start to our season. We hope it will end soon so we can all enjoy Ella and Isaac's first Christmas home!!!!

What Now?

There is always something new happening with our family. If it's not the acquisition of a new family member (haha!) or if we are holding a Princess Party for all of the local 5-year-old's in the local royal area...I mean, how could we NOT stay busy with such a family!?

Well, this week is no different. Just in a very unacceptable and worrisome manner. What now?

Leah came down with a sore throat and high temp this past weekend Saturday. The temp wouldn't go under 100 degrees even with Tylenol. And she couldn't stomach the Tylenol/Ibuprofen trade-on/off. She wouldn't eat, drank minimally...but we tried to push the fluids as much as possible. But with a kiddo that cries because her "mouth hurts" there is only so much a parent can do.

By Sunday night, the fever was still high and she was dry-heaving. Still no food down her.

Monday arrived to a still-high temp and heaving upon sips of juice. Now she wouldn't allow us to give her the Tylenol because she had 'heaved' the talent right up and out her nose. You know the phrase... once bitten, twice shy. I called the pediatrician to get a 3:00 PM appointment for both Leah and Logan...Logan is about 24 hours behind Leah in this nightmare.

Pediatrician's Office Result: She must go the the hospital right away. Her heart rate is 168, she is severely dehydrated and she has lost 3 pounds. There is no way oral re-hydration will help at this point. Logan is going to have mouth pain in 2-3 days. Push fluids.

Arrive at Sparrow Hospital 12-6 Result: Lavish with toys and goodies, private room, poke with IV, bolus with fluids, penicillin for possible strep, low blood sugar, imbalanced electrolytes and high infection ratio (9...just tells us that she has a source of uck!), fever is out of control, and heart rate is high.

Present day 12-7 @ 7:15 PM Result: IV fluids were stopped to see if she would begin to drink on her own...hasn't. Ate a bag of Lay's chips (Josh's kid!). Strep tests came back negative. Blood sugar is back to normal. Fever is spiking when meds wear off. Heart rate will not go down below 120. Testing for mono but this is a 24-48 hour test. Electrolytes are in check. We have watched the DVD's since 4:55 this morning, with only a few small breaks.

I will update as I know more and have some time when she is resting.

Leah looks sick and feels sick. She needs us. She needs all of our prayers. Last night I was praying over her and she looked at me and said, "Mommy, pray." *tear*

Fall 2010

It's been a busy fall of 2010...

• Attachment and bonding 101 and 201;
• Behavior management for 5 year old twins, also known as "new big sister" syndrome;
• Laundry;
• A new full-time special education teaching job with a 45 minute commute - one way;
• Isaac turned 1 year old;
• A wonderful get-together with our Michigan-based travel companions who went to Ethiopia together (what a great group of families!!!);
• Cleaning and picking up the house;
• Dentist appointments for all four...although one chickened out due to over-tiredness from a long week;
• Ella turned 4 years old (yep, the Dentist confirmed that Ella IS 4 ...not 3 like the bone age test showed...just that darn malnutrition that makes her look smaller and younger :( );
• Laundry;
• Halloween: 1 Dora Snow Princess, 1 Dora Black Cat, 1 Pink Lite-Brite Princess and 1 Spider;
• Cleaning and picking up the house;
• Weekly practices for the church children's choir for 5 year old twins;
• ABA therapy and speech therapy for one twin;
• Laundry and cleaning!

We are now moving into the Holiday season. Energy is high and crazy...already! We have a little Elf that sits on a foyer table throughout our days and "watches" the girls. If they have good behavior, the elf uses his magical powers to talk with Santa and Santa will have the Elf hide special, small gifts throughout the house along with hiding the Elf each night. It's quite the little technique thus far! Gotta love Hallmark and us Germans for coming up with these little traditions!!!! The Elf has allowed us to postpone us putting up the Christmas tree, so that's good since we haven't hit Thanksgiving Day yet!

Here are some long awaited pictures from Fall 2010!!!

Ella Plays Just Like Real-Life in Ethiopia

Logan's Dress Up - Hot, Huh?

Big Girl Leah at the Dentist

Isaac the Spider and Daddy at the Church Halloween Party

Play Date with a Fellow New Citizen!

Proud of His Nationality!!!

Matching Outfits for the Birthday Party!!!

"Oh My Goodness. You Want Me to Eat THIS?"

Birthday Princess Ella

GRCM Night for Autism Awareness