I've waited such a long time to write this post. I've eluded toward the topic, made some pretty leading statements. Even said some things that may have seemed, to some, as raw or inconsiderate. I don't regret what I have said, nor what has been done. If any of you know me well enough, that's one of my goals in life: To live without regret.
You are all wondering what I am referring to here, right? I am referring to the fact that Josh and I have stepped into the world of attachment therapy with Ella Miheret. We began our counseling journey a couple of weeks back together, but tonight was Ella's first night with Mr. Kurt. We are on our way to finding the new Knight Family norm…a calmer, happier and more loving norm than for the past 10 months.
Adoption is a magical journey through which God has made me a stronger, more confident individual; a more patient and playful person. Adoption of an older child (age 3) was always explained to us as different in terms of needs and post-adoption care and follow-through. We knew, read, understood. WRONG! Every "older" child comes home to their forever family with such individualized needs, past lives, birth stories, etc. that no forever family can be totally prepared if not for being a therapist themselves!
Our home has been turned up-side-down in terms of emotional stability for all of its members. Our once calm home of 4 humans and 2 dogs, has turned into an emotional nightmare based on how Ella is handling a situation. Thus, in turn, how mom and dad react to Ella's behaviors. The Knight house has been just that for 10 months…a house…not a home. We need this to be a home. A place of comfort FOR ALL, a place of fun and happiness FOR ALL, and a place for appropriate behaviors and consequences FOR ALL.
Counseling will be for Dad, Mom and Ella sorting through some feelings left from Ethiopia as well as talking about transitioning into a family of 6 in the USA. This is a long and tangled process. Please support us in our attachment and family-bonding process. We will be parenting with consistency yet with different boundaries based on child. This is important for all of you to know so you don't feel a need to judge, but can lend a supportive shoulder after the consequences are handed out as well as the cuddles and chats are completed too!
So, if you wonder, do I regret the adoption….NO WAY!!!! Do I regret I didn't get the counseling sooner? Not really. I think I had to be ready in order to do all of the things that we need to do in order to help Ella understand what is happening. With all things with adoption, the timing is right when it's supposed to be! Do I love Ella? You betcha! She's got lots more great things in her than not! Ella's gonna change the world for the better! I know it!!!!
If any of you have questions about our decision for counseling or about our journey since we've been home, please ask me. I'm on Facebook, email, or here. I'm trying to use this type of post to help others. I had never read one blog of someone I knew that went through this. Just ask!!