Another Dose of Reality

Each day I am reminded of Ella and Isaac's life in Ethiopia in some way, big or small. More often than not, it's in just a small way: a look of confusion, a lack of an English word at the time of need, a cry of frustration, or a wonderful demonstration of pretend play! But there is always something.

Well, the other day I was reminded in yet another BIG, another eye-opening way. One that made me gulp and tear up several times...

I was at work teaching and all of a sudden I was struck with a horrible stomach ache. It was one of those aches where you just want to ball up and not be social or maternal! I toughed it out and made it home to the couch. I was at least home. Ahhh! In the comfort of my husband and kids! Logan was busy with her pretend play, Leah was happy playing the computer, Isaac was eating (big surprise!!!), but Ella was staring daggers at me. Daggers of fear! Her big beautiful brown eyes looked at me, then looked away...her eyes darted away from mine. I didn't give it much thought until I naturally began reassuring her, "Mama's okay...her tummy is ouchie. She'll be okay."

LIGHT BULB MOMENT

Ella was remembering losing a biological relative due to extreme illness. I believe she was fearful of repeating this history.

Well, my tummy ache wasn't worth her heart ache so up I got and held her to comfort her and assure her that mommy was and will be okay. My heart ached for hers. My tears welled for her painful memories. I lost all thought of the here and now! I went into "Ella-memory-mode".

This is just another example of something that could never have been predicted...but I dealt with fairly well (if I do say so myself!!!). Ella slept fine that night and woke with a happy and refreshed spirit! That's what this is all about!

...and my tummy ache only lasted another 2 days! Better now :)

Home...

Leah is home. What a relief for her and us!

I will have to admit that there was a point on Tuesday evening, late, when she spiked another high fever (103.6) when both Josh and I were thinking we were in the middle of a nightmare worse than a virus. We met with the doctors, the charge nurse and really asked the big question. Is this really only a virus, could it be ANYTHING worse? Why is she so miserable? Why is she spiking so often? Why is she so lethargic? Why? WHY?

Answer: A huge virus, maybe EBV (mono) - we don't know YET - that has just taken over her little body and there is nothing that anyone can do other than support her with fluids and Tylenol. It is not anything but this, they believe, based on the blood work and the cultures.

Us: Okay, breathe and regroup. Keep the energy up so we can just make it through.

Sunday/Today: Leah is home, eating minimally and drinking well. She has a very low-grade temp (99.0) but still is sleeping a great deal. She will have an appointment with her regular pediatrician Monday. Logan also has a low-grade temp but has mouth sores so she is drinking only water and eating some foods. She is lethargic and lazy too! Both girls have had their fill of movies and their Leapster!

Ella and Isaac have maintained their health, thus far. Amen! I can only hope and pray that they will continue to stay healthy. This was way too scary and traumatic for the girls. Traumatic for Leah, being in the hospital. But traumatic for Logan being away from her twin for so long! They have been like glue since Leah came home late Thursday evening. It's been very sweet!!!

We all missed some very exciting Holiday activities due to these illnesses. So, it's not been a great start to our season. We hope it will end soon so we can all enjoy Ella and Isaac's first Christmas home!!!!

What Now?

There is always something new happening with our family. If it's not the acquisition of a new family member (haha!) or if we are holding a Princess Party for all of the local 5-year-old's in the local royal area...I mean, how could we NOT stay busy with such a family!?

Well, this week is no different. Just in a very unacceptable and worrisome manner. What now?

Leah came down with a sore throat and high temp this past weekend Saturday. The temp wouldn't go under 100 degrees even with Tylenol. And she couldn't stomach the Tylenol/Ibuprofen trade-on/off. She wouldn't eat, drank minimally...but we tried to push the fluids as much as possible. But with a kiddo that cries because her "mouth hurts" there is only so much a parent can do.

By Sunday night, the fever was still high and she was dry-heaving. Still no food down her.

Monday arrived to a still-high temp and heaving upon sips of juice. Now she wouldn't allow us to give her the Tylenol because she had 'heaved' the talent right up and out her nose. You know the phrase... once bitten, twice shy. I called the pediatrician to get a 3:00 PM appointment for both Leah and Logan...Logan is about 24 hours behind Leah in this nightmare.

Pediatrician's Office Result: She must go the the hospital right away. Her heart rate is 168, she is severely dehydrated and she has lost 3 pounds. There is no way oral re-hydration will help at this point. Logan is going to have mouth pain in 2-3 days. Push fluids.

Arrive at Sparrow Hospital 12-6 Result: Lavish with toys and goodies, private room, poke with IV, bolus with fluids, penicillin for possible strep, low blood sugar, imbalanced electrolytes and high infection ratio (9...just tells us that she has a source of uck!), fever is out of control, and heart rate is high.

Present day 12-7 @ 7:15 PM Result: IV fluids were stopped to see if she would begin to drink on her own...hasn't. Ate a bag of Lay's chips (Josh's kid!). Strep tests came back negative. Blood sugar is back to normal. Fever is spiking when meds wear off. Heart rate will not go down below 120. Testing for mono but this is a 24-48 hour test. Electrolytes are in check. We have watched the DVD's since 4:55 this morning, with only a few small breaks.

I will update as I know more and have some time when she is resting.

Leah looks sick and feels sick. She needs us. She needs all of our prayers. Last night I was praying over her and she looked at me and said, "Mommy, pray." *tear*

Fall 2010

It's been a busy fall of 2010...

• Attachment and bonding 101 and 201;
• Behavior management for 5 year old twins, also known as "new big sister" syndrome;
• Laundry;
• A new full-time special education teaching job with a 45 minute commute - one way;
• Isaac turned 1 year old;
• A wonderful get-together with our Michigan-based travel companions who went to Ethiopia together (what a great group of families!!!);
• Cleaning and picking up the house;
• Dentist appointments for all four...although one chickened out due to over-tiredness from a long week;
• Ella turned 4 years old (yep, the Dentist confirmed that Ella IS 4 ...not 3 like the bone age test showed...just that darn malnutrition that makes her look smaller and younger :( );
• Laundry;
• Halloween: 1 Dora Snow Princess, 1 Dora Black Cat, 1 Pink Lite-Brite Princess and 1 Spider;
• Cleaning and picking up the house;
• Weekly practices for the church children's choir for 5 year old twins;
• ABA therapy and speech therapy for one twin;
• Laundry and cleaning!

We are now moving into the Holiday season. Energy is high and crazy...already! We have a little Elf that sits on a foyer table throughout our days and "watches" the girls. If they have good behavior, the elf uses his magical powers to talk with Santa and Santa will have the Elf hide special, small gifts throughout the house along with hiding the Elf each night. It's quite the little technique thus far! Gotta love Hallmark and us Germans for coming up with these little traditions!!!! The Elf has allowed us to postpone us putting up the Christmas tree, so that's good since we haven't hit Thanksgiving Day yet!

Here are some long awaited pictures from Fall 2010!!!

Ella Plays Just Like Real-Life in Ethiopia

Logan's Dress Up - Hot, Huh?

Big Girl Leah at the Dentist

Isaac the Spider and Daddy at the Church Halloween Party

Play Date with a Fellow New Citizen!

Proud of His Nationality!!!

Matching Outfits for the Birthday Party!!!

"Oh My Goodness. You Want Me to Eat THIS?"

Birthday Princess Ella

GRCM Night for Autism Awareness

Step by Step

Things are getting better! Little by little, step by step, minute by minute. As said, things can't be pulled from the air for anyone.

Ella has to learn to trust us. And it's starting. She likes to try to hide it yet...but there are now signs that she is trusting us (me) and that she is liking the fact that we are her parents. There are glimpses! That's a great thing!

On the other end of the attachment equation, I'm making great strides too. I'm reflecting personally. Another step in the right direction. But just the simple act of self-reflection has made me open my eyes that I'm taking everything so (too!) personally when the meltdowns occur...or when the whining begins as soon as we walk in the door. She's not trying to make me upset...that's not her goal! I recognize this now...thanks to my amazing chat with my amazing friend!

I've had a lot of people come to me and say, "wow!!!" Yeah, this isn't easy stuff! But for all of you families that are in the process...this is for you...or for you that are just home...maybe for you to know you aren't alone. I find that I have found healing for my family by "talking" about this. Friends, don't feel sorry for us...we're making our way to each other faster through this process than I ever expected. We're okay...Amen!

My next post will be on a much more upbeat note...an update on all the kids! We had a big weekend this past weekend...get ready for some pics and posts!

Thank You

Thank you to the woman that I had an AMAZING conversation with today.

Thank you for making me feel human again. Thank you for making me feel like I am not a monster. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone in the feelings I have or don't have or that I am not alone in the situation that we are currently in as a family. Thank you for being so open with me about your thoughts, feelings and attitudes about parenting. Thank you for admitting that your love was not always easy or natural.

I know I can make all of our lives better...a conversation, at a very random location, made a difference for me today. Baby steps all in the right direction.

*This is like therapy...

And now...Me

I've debated whether or not to post our final family member (excluding the dogs - that would be a short, yet interesting post)...ME! But, throughout all of these posts I have not only wrote them with family and friends in mind but also other families choosing adoption, or considering adoption. I have had a lot of mixed emotions since coming home. Thus, my hesitancy to post. Do I share these conflicting feelings and emotions with the people who think I'm a "rock" and so strong throughout all of this? Or do I shed my outer layer and prove to all of you that this process has been a challenge...a rewarding, magnificent, God-led challenge. Yes, this is what I have chosen to do. I am choosing to bare it all for the betterment of my parenting and the support of other parents who chose adoption.

Coming Home

The flights home were nothing less than hell on Earth. We added it up and we remained awake for 72 hours straight. We compared "states" and both Josh and I were having little warped hallucinations where the floor was morphing like the end of a Scooby-Doo show. I guess that's how the body reacts to pure exhaustion. I wouldn't know...never experienced that until then!

But I will have to say that the arrival into the Lansing Airport with so many of our family and friends waiting to greet the 4 Knights was heart-palpitating. I was so excited for my parents to meet the kids as well as for Leah and Logan to see them. Not to mention just SEE Leah and Logan! I was so homesick for those two on this trip, it was hard to get over!

Walking into our home as a family of 6 was...nothing special. We were just too tired. Haha! Logan needed to show Ella everything ASAP. This, my fellow adoptive families, is something that I wish I could have known before and stopped. When adopting an 'older child'...3 is older...boundaries, physical and emotional, are non-existent. Ella did NOT need full access to our 3700 sq. foot house. She could have used 1/4 of that. What she got was an overwhelming abundance of good ole American excess. She needed physical boundaries, to learn the word no in a contained manner, to have a small space somewhat similar to what she was used to in Ethiopia. Mistake #1...Lesson #1.

Staying at Home

So I was convinced, prior to the kids coming home, as well as about 4 weeks after they came home, that I wanted to stay home to raise the kids. "Day care can't do what I do!" Buwhahahah! Well, then Ella learned my code name, "Mama!" I have never heard one word so damn much in one time period...EVER! I mean, talk about repetition! It was like a word cycling in a blender! She was killing me! Not to mention that Leah and Logan wanted their fair shake and Isaac wouldn't be set down from the shoulder-holding position. If you wonder, showers were occasional and often after 5:00 when Josh got home. I also went a bit berserk when I noticed that I had a new and curly haired shadow. It went to outside with me, inside...to the laundry area, to the kitchen for lunches, and even to the bathroom. You guessed it...ELLA! It was part of the attachment process for her, but I will be honest again...it made me crazy! I would happily enjoy it for some time, but then felt it necessary she make an appropriate choice as I get some items done around the house. So, I redirect her...then, remember when I discussed the water/snot/saliva works in previous posts? Yep, you got it...she turned on the mucus factory when I tried to encourage her to PLAY! OYE VAY!

Nevertheless, I'm happily working full time as a special ed teacher and the kids are being nicely socialized at an in-home day care whom we love dearly! Mistake #2...Lesson #2.

Attachment - Straight Up

I love all of my kids: Leah, Logan Ella and Isaac. Heck I even love my dogs...the one that barks too! Leah and Logan were like my first-born. They are amazing girls and they have grown so much through THIS adoption process. It's so cool...Logan is now asking to go visit her birth mother in Guatemala and making new connections about her life story because of this. *Tear* Isaac is such a dolly! He is developing like a race car zooming down a track! He can walk now, talk some words, sign his needs and just flirts his evenings away!!! Now if we could just get that sleeping thing figured out! Ella is a beautiful and amazing daughter. I will have to admit to all of you, attachment has not come easy for her. She does not understand family. Because of this, attachment to her is slow. This is hard to say to all of you. I LOVE THIS LITTLE GIRL. But I find myself become easily frustrated by her behaviors. I question why I feel this way and why it can't be easier. I rationalize it all, I pray for a faster attachment in both directions, I just want to have the patience and pure unconditional attachment and bond that I feel to the other 3 kiddos. Again, this is a very hard thing to say, but it is very important that it is said in order for me to help other families as well as myself.

I know that we will attach as strong to each other as I am to the other kiddos. I just know that it hasn't happened yet. I work at it daily...hard!!! Adoption is not for the faint of heart...not just the coming home process...the rest of it too. This is NOT mistake #3...it's just a lesson in love!

Conclusion

This wraps up the family member updates. It took me some time, and it didn't seem to end on a very happy note, but in all reality it does. God has created our family...our beautiful family made up of browns, tans and whites! I love that we have this diverse and wonderfully unique family. Someone said that something isn't worth anything if you don't have to fight for it! We are working on making our family amazingly strong, full of love and passion, and most importantly HAPPY! I have always thought of myself as a really strong woman where not much gets in the way of what I want. Hey, I only want a healthy, happy and safe FAMILY!

AMEN.

Daddy-O

So, it's not too often that I get to put words into Josh's mouth. But it's my blog, right? Teehee! I get to do what I want, right? Actually, I've learned better over the 11+years of marriage and the multiple years prior to that of being "friends" (my mom's term for her daughter having a serious boyfriend). After some thought, I've decided to only write what I'm absolutely 100% positive about.

GOODBYE!

HAHA!!!

Sleep

Josh is tired. He is the one who gets up with Isaac. And you all read about how well I-man sleeps...or doesn't. And many of you are asking, why in the world is Josh the one who is getting up with Isaac? I simply do not function without sleep. Period. I don't move, don't talk, don't act nice, don't...anything. Josh can, and Josh does! So, Josh wakes up 3-5 times a night and possibly stays awake 2 hours at a time. God bless this man! Isaac may starve and cry all his tears out without him. No, not true! (*fingers crossed*)

Mornings

Daddy does mornings all on his own! Dresses, feeds, puts in the van and takes them to daycare.. SOLO! Mom accepted a new job where she leaves the house at 6:30am. So what does that mean? Dad puts on his cape at about 6:25 and swoops in for an hour to save the day!!! SUPER DAD!!!!

Transportation

Josh drives a mini-van. He still tries to rock out in the maroon beast. It just doesn't work for me. The power doors are cool! That's it...

Attitude

He always thinks he's right! What? A mom's intuition isn't good enough? Nope! Not for Josh. My opinion is like the sidecar. A nice extra, but unnecessary for a good time. If he'd just listen to me, life would be better. (That's an opinion, but I'm 100% sure about that opinion!)

More

Josh: "No more kids! Are you ^&*$ing kidding?" That's it...

Isaac...AKA...I-Man...AKA..I y'I

Here I am again, this time to properly introduce (as properly as it can possibly be on a blog) the youngest Knight! Here he is: Isaac Yonas Joshua Knight!!!

Isaac: Another name that we simply just liked. The name sounds appropriate for all ages, for a boy or a man of Ethiopian ethnicity and it started with a vowel! Teehee! Sorry, so superficial on the last criteria, I know! There were other first names that we were throwing around, but this one was thrown out and it stuck...fast!

Yonas: We also informed Isaac's birth mother that we would be keeping his birth name and she was grateful, but I don't think she ever expected us to change his name anyway. She looked almost shocked, in my opinion, that we would even consider changing his name. So, I guess I would have to say it was a look of relief on her face and in her body language. She didn't say anything about it. I'm okay with that.

Joshua: Named for his Daddy, of course! Named for the sleepless man who wakes each and every night, every 2-3 hours to feed this hungry little thing! Named for the Daddy who never thought he would have a son to raise but seemed so proud to say for the first time, "That's my son!" Gives my butterflies every time I think about that...yet!

Who is that Little Boy with the Dimples and Curly Soft Hair????

Okay, you have to admit, no matter how much your child poops, projectile vomits, cries during the day or plays in the middle of the night, DIMPLES make everything better, right??? Well, Isaac has some of the cutest dimples carved into his brown little cheeks that a little boy could ever have. Not to mention some of the most amazing soft curls of black hair on top of that little head! Oye, he's a heart breaker! I just could eat him up! MMMM, MMMMM, MMMMMMM!

You may have caught the fact that this little cutie is no little angel...he is one of the worst sleepers in the hemisphere; he has a temper of a rabid beast. I mean, this little boy will turn on the water works for the simple reason of walking out of a room without him, a toy isn't turned the right direction, or he's having a diaper change. I mean comm'on...Isaac...I saw how the caretakers changed your diaper at Enat Alem...I know for a fact that they tied that cloth diaper so tight that it literally almost made your belly button pop back open. Now that's something to cry about. I'm gentle, I'm caressing, I'm soothing, I'm helpful...don't cry, scream, turn, fuss, and create a scene! Really now!

Playing

I y'I has a few little things he likes to do that we would consider playing.

• Sitting on the trampoline and letting his big sisters bounce him. Good times for any 18 pounder!
• Zooming cars down a little race car track...a bit repetitive, but still fun for him after, oh about 1,600 runs down the track. More good times!
• Anything outside...he's an outdoors man!
• Folding clothes. Actually he enjoys taking a quick ride on top of the warm laundry in the laundry basket from the dryer to the spot where I'm gonna fold. Then he "folds" the clothes by throwing up a handful and doing a quick crawl-dash under them so the warm (once-clean) clothes land on his head and back. Yeah, it's cute...his sweet giggle adds to the joy!

Bonding and Attachment

We're attached, bonded, stuck, glued, forever a trio! Isaac has great eye contact, hates when we put him down, cries when we leave, and has some stranger anxiety. Bonded...period! YEAH!!!! And I'm completely bonded and attached to him too!

Sleep

He doesn't get enough, thus we don't get enough. The boy enjoys his time awake in the middle of the night...what can I say. We've tried so many things. You all could post your comments about, "try this" and "try that". I'd reply, "been there", "done that". Because we have. He doesn't sleep well nor does he nap well. He's like a robot...a feisty little robot!

Eating

Because Isaac came home so incredibly anemic and with that awful virus, he is on both iron supplemented as well as soy formula. So he gets this when he signs for it and on a schedule! Yes, he tells us he's hungry using his sign language!!! He's amazing! We did try baby foods for him too, so we were sure to balance his diet and nutritional intake. Bah! This muncher needed real-man food! Haha! Ix-Nay on the baby foods! He's all about whatever is on the table for the rest of us!!! AMEN! This is sooooo much easier! Leah and Logan were on baby foods for sooooooo long and this is cake in comparison! He's a machine with food! Starting at 4:30 or so, he'll eat an hors' devour (snack), then dinner, then a post hors' devour (some of our dinner), then a bottle before bed. Oh yeah, he's gained some weight...and grown some hair and his nails are growing, and, and, and!!!! (as you'll see in the pic below, he also likes to do his feedings on his own...aka spaghetti face)

And that is Isaac in a nutshell! He's a typical fun-loving baby boy with a bit of a temper! The temper will serve him well some day...it could cool off this early in life, but we can handle anything! Clearly!!!!!

Ella - - - She's Home!!!!!

We'd like to introduce our daughter, with her full given name, Ella Miheret Sidama Knight. Let me explain her name to all of you!!!

Ella: We just like it! Timeless, simple, sweet, ageless, not an "L" but close!

Miheret: Her birth name as given to her by her birth parents. This is very important to us as to preserve who she IS. It was also very special to her birth father! He bowed his head in gratefulness when we told him that we would keep her birth name. As many of you know, we also kept the twins' birth names as middle names. Very special to us now and forever!

Sidama: A last minute decision on our part! We didn't know what to do with this third name...but all of the other children had 2 middle names so we felt that we wanted to do this for Ella too. We thought, tried, processed...nothing seemed right. When we were in Ethiopia visiting the region that she was born in, we learned of the area she was from. It is called Sidama. It's also the name of the language her village speaks as well as the name of the calendar that her village uses. Thus, "Sidama" is part of Ella. It only seemed appropriate and the best fit for her! Each time we use the word, call her by this particular name, she gets all giddy and says, "E-pee-oo-pee-a"!!!

Life As We Know It

I probably could write a complete non-fiction about Ella and the experiences that we've shared in the short time she's been home, but I will do my best to share only the ones that I feel will be most beneficial to other families who are planning to bring home children who are "older" versus under a year of age, as well as for those of you who just will get some idea of what we, as couples who choose build our families through adoption, 'go through' or deal with as a result of bring home a child who is 'older'. Not to mention for those of you who are dear friends that are reading this to see, 'where the heck have they gone since they brought home those two other kiddos???' You want to know...wheelin' and dealin' with a whole lot of everything!

Rules

Rules-schmules! No-Schmo! Boundaries-Schmoundaries! We believe Ella has CLEARLY been parented to a much different standard than our's!!! She has no concept of living within a home, with doors, that contain her which do not allow her to do what she pleases at any given time. She has a limited concept of an adult telling her no and then having that same adult follow through with that "no". AKA - Parenting 101 in the USA. She responds with a resounding gut wrenching, tearful, snot-filled, saliva-dripping screaming fit where she refuses all eye and verbal contact. If you've ever tried to force a child to look at you or talk to you, you just can't do it. I know this from working with students who are Deaf. Ella is no exception to this rule. She just adds the bodily fluid element to the fun!

Following the rules of being in a family are becoming easier for Ella and she is having fewer meltdowns. For this, I thank God. No adoption readings, trainings, or discussions with other parents can prepare anyone to deal with this effectively and efficiently the first, second or third time. I think we've got it now...think! But anyone who tells you, "Oh she just needs a good hug!" No, I disagree. She needs a million good hugs after a million consistent effective follow-throughs!!!!

Playing

Having siblings is something brand new for Ella. And to boot, she's now the middle child! Oye vay! Playing with an older set of twins, who often seem to 'have it out for her' is a challenge. It would be for any little one! She's often a fan of wanting to play with whatever Leah, Logan or even Isaac has in their hands. I often wonder, is this because she sees how to play with this toy now because she didn't know how before or is it because she wants that attention from us, positive or negative (it simply doesn't matter to her!!!)

Pretend play is her specialty though! One of the best is her coffee ceremony specialty! She goes out to our mini crab apple tree with my dad, picks a bunch of the apples, 'roasts' them, 'grinds' them by smashing them, then fans the coals of the plastic tupperware! So cute!!! She's also got great ethnic dancing skills. She loves to me how to shake my shoulders!!!! Her culture is thick and I am in love with it all! I want her to hold on to that in her play...but it's already fading. :(

Bonding and Attachment

We're still working on this. It's really slow for us. I'll be honest...she's a frustrating kiddo. I'm not gonna sugar coat this whole process for anyone who is going through an adoption of an older child...homecoming is awesome and a miracle! I do believe God placed this child in my heart, family and made her my daughter. I know that her birth family was led to make this decision by the hand of God. I will admit I've needed to count and breathe many a-time with all that happens in our home with the kids. I DO LOVE HER without hesitation, and I think she is beginning to love me!

She has not formed a strong attachment to either Josh or myself. She knows that we are mommy and daddy and knows home and her siblings. But she's also very happy to go with other people as well as complete strangers. This is cause for concern for me yet. I know it's only been a short time home living in a family structure and with us; I seem to want this to happen sooner than it probably can. I need to remind myself of all of the things that she has experienced and seen for the first time EVER, let alone gotten a mommy and daddy and a home with walls, doors and stairs. I also need to remind myself of all of the things that she experienced and learned that were appropriate in Ethiopia and in her birth family that simply aren't by our American standards. It's a slow learning curve for me. But it's a constant reminder I must give to myself.

Sleep

This has gotten MUCH better. Let's just say it used to be the same bodily fluid scream session with each nap and bedtime, but we're over that! We just have to be in her room as she falls asleep now, then we can let her rest all night! Amen!

Eating

While in Ethiopia, Ella ate all ethnic/cultural food. She loved injera!!!! In our hotel in Ethiopia she loved all of the "American" snacks and dinner foods that we brought with us...The American snacks and foods did NOT like her intestinal tract. She still has some real indigestion with certain foods that she eats. She eats almost anything...but fruit. Are you kidding...fruit?! I guess it's because there weren't many fresh fruits available to her as she grew up. She is more of a legume kind of girl!!! Go figure!!!! Nevertheless, she's also a Mylanta Kids kind of girl too!

Age

We brought home a 3 year 9 month old girl. Today we are raising a 2 year 11 month old girl. Huh, you ask?! Haha!!! We noticed Ella was a teeny-tiny-tot when we visited in July. When we came home with her, we talked to the pediatrician and she ordered a bone age test. This is simply an X-ray of the hand and wrist bones and they can approximate a child's age from those bones. Result = 2 1/2->3 years of age. Thus, with the doctor's documentation we will be changing her birth date from 2006 to 2007...didn't know we could do that, did ya?!

So, that's Ella in a nutshell. She's a dynamic, complex, happy, lovable little girl who is full of Ethiopian culture but is absorbing American culture and English every second of every day that she is HOME! We are more than thrilled to have her as our daughter, to love this little girl, to live, laugh and play with her like she has never experienced before!

Life as We Know It...Part II

Logan...Next Oldest Sister (by 2 minutes)

Logan, Logan, Logan...where do I begin with Logan? *sigh* Logan has been a dichotomy of emotions, behaviors, and words. True to form for a 5 year old little Miss, but Logan shined with new and sometimes amazing colors with the transformation of this family, but also glowed red with fire!

When we arrived home, Logan seemed to have most maternal-like instinct toward Ella and Isaac. She wanted to feed and nurture Isaac (helped to change one stinky diaper with that foul bum, and that was the end of that!), play non-stop with Ella and simply be Mommy's little helper. What a joy Logan was to have!

Day 3...

No, I'm kidding! It wasn't exactly day 3, but it didn't take Logan too long to understand that these kids were invading her territory and her 'Mom and Dad-time' was being taken. Thus, this resulted in a bit of p!$$ and vinegar to run her veins! I'm talking about, "No, I didn't poke Ella in the eye then shake her by the shoulders then call her sassy, Mom."

Mom: "Logan, is that the truth?"

Logan: "NO!"

or

Mom: "Logan, could you unlock the baby gate to let Ella up the stairs please."

Logan's action: Go to the gate and sneer at Ella.

Mom and Logan have had some evenings together, some FRANK discussions, and some discussions about how God truly wants us to act as his people. We have had some sleep overs in her bed, some sleep overs in my bed (on top of me! OYE) and just some plain cuddling time! We have even implemented a positive behavior intervention tool (teacher talk for bribe)! I tried to talk with Logan that our house and the way it 'is', is just different now. It's busier, it's louder, it's just different. Well, one day she told me, out of the blue, "Mama, I don't want my house to be different." That's all it took for me that day. *Tears, tears, tears* I lost it! And she knew what made me lose it! So a few days later, in a moment of, what shall we say, !stress!, Logan pulls out the 'ole, "I just don't want our house to be different." *NO tears*

Ella and Isaac have now been home for 5 weeks and all of this "Hands are for helping", "Use words first", "Telling the truth is God's way" is slow to sink in. I'm talking G-L-A-C-I-A-L movement. She knows what is right from wrong, but 'gol-darn-it, that Ella is just too darn frustrating to control it, I guess!?

At school, Logan is doing great! The teacher's have commented how much she has grown up since last year, how her sentences describing things are so much better. Behavior isn't an issue when some little sister isn't around!!! Go figure?!

But this isn't to say that Ella and Logan never get along. They do occasionally have some excellent play sessions. I mean, fire and ice go together during magic shows, don't they? :) They like to play dress up and play babies. Ella will play hide and seek and Logan is the director of that! Both will do family game night without too much problem, as long as Ella "doesn't cheat" according to Logan! Teehee! But when Logan's had enough or when Ella wants what Logan's got...game over...watch out...TKO!

I love my Logan for what she is doing. She is showing me that our bond is strong! I knew it before and I certainly know it now. I cherish her and all of her cute moments of mothering Isaac and directing Ella in the fun little games they play together. I love that she has grown up a bit since we brought the kiddos home. She makes some independent decisions, helps me, talks to me like a little lady. These are all very fun to hear and see for a mom! I'm looking forward to the time that lies ahead...I'd just like to have the swatting and eye poking come to a quick halt!

Life As We Know It...Part I

So here is my chance to give my opinion, viewpoint, perspective or rendition of how life is for each of us here in the Knight home now that we have 6 people, 2 dogs, 2 fish, and a partridge and a pear tree! NO, some of these thoughts and ideas are NOT theirs, they are mine! So, YES, I am projecting my feelings onto their situations. But, it's a mom's gut-intuition!

Oldest Sister: LEAH

The days and weeks when Ella and Isaac arrived home were very upsetting to Leah. It wasn't the crying or the mad or sad emotional state that one might expect. It was a different response. It was a response that we should have tried to predict, but didn't...couldn't. It was a response maybe typical from a child with a diagnosis of autism.

Leah removed herself from all things related to Ella and Isaac! She sat herself at her computer and clicked away, which we allowed because she needed to remove herself. She chose to go downstairs to swing and listen to music. Literally, she chose to be wherever Ella and Isaac were NOT. We didn't push Leah to be with her new siblings. This addition to our family is not only a change, to Leah it is considered a complete disruption to her routine, her home environment and her family dynamics. UNACCEPTABLE!

For those who know Leah you know that she scripts sometimes. You know, repeats parts of movies or TV shows. She says them in sometimes appropriate situations and sometimes not. Well, she chose to script about all of the witches, bad princesses, etc. about me...to me! This stunk! I cried a good many evenings~a good many nights. I tried to hug her, hold her, provide that 'special attention' that I know she needed and maybe wanted. To no avail. My heart was breaking.

So, in my mind, I'm thinking...we've worked so hard for so many years to teach her, give her therapy, to get her to a point where she is comfortable in so many social situations. And now her own mommy brings these 2 "babies" home and ruins it all. Am I going to cause her to regress with her autistic tendencies? Am I going to ruin all of the work she has done and worked for? What have I done? Have I made a selfish decision and sacrificed Leah? My heart ached day after day and night after night.

TODAY:

Leah co-exists with Ella and Isaac. She doesn't embrace them like she does Logan, but Logan and her have a twin-bond! And E and I are still new! Just last night, I peeked into the play room and I saw Logan, Leah and Ella playing in a circle with some fun toys! It was a reassuring step in the right direction. Yeah, she still yells at Ella, "Hey, don't do that!" when Ella lunges for a hug and kiss goodnight! But, hey...baby steps, right?

And did I ruin her progress? No, her home teacher still comes and she is still as bright as the day we left to get the kiddos in Ethiopia...if not more so! She is learning more everyday, spelling words, reading words, is a number guru and making social strides everyday. And to my happiness, I am no longer the witch of Snow White, and she even asks to hug me and cuddle me! This makes that broken, weeping heart I had a few weeks back swell with all of that Mommy love!!!!!

And A Family of 6, We Are

Nearly three weeks after we arrived home to one of the most beautiful scenes ever witnessed at an airport, I am now able to sit down and make a full report of the Knight Family! Get ready...this could be intense! Somewhat like our lives right now!!! Teehee!!!

Ethiopia Gotcha Trip

Ethiopia was even more beautiful this time! The sun shone more and we were able to enjoy the bright greens, the beautiful flowers and the wonderful blue sky that the rainy season had blessed them with. Although the people of Ethiopia HATE the cold (60's) and the rain (MUD!!!), the beauty of their country just glares when the sun shines after a good portion of this season. We were blessed to see this and feel the happiness this brought us.

We arrived late Monday night, in the dark again, but it wasn't raining this time. All was well when we saw the friendly face of our driver from the Lodge! I LOVE that guy!

We were told to be prepared in the morning around 9:30 (that's 2:30 AM our time after a 17 hours in the air and more in airports!!!) so we could have the opportunity to meet the birth parents of both Ella and Isaac. We were THRILLED with this news. We knew it was a remote possibility before we traveled, but knowing that both children were born in very remote villages in the south of Ethiopia (near Kenya) we didn't set our hearts on the fact that they would make the trip. There are no roads and it is very rough terrain to get out of their villages, but they made the 6+ hour trip north to the big capital city of Addis Ababa simply to meet us for less than 2 hours. Because we will save the details for Ella and Isaac, as these are their private pieces of information, you simply can know that this was an AMAZING and emotional time for both the birth parents as well as Josh and I. Not to mention a few bits of humor and personality came out through the talks!!! Great memories! I was able to hug and embrace both of the birth parents and for this I thank God!

Later that afternoon, we were brought to Enat Alem. It was like we were home! We saw the gates of the orphanage and I couldn't get out of the van fast enough! I literally barged through the gate to look into the courtyard to see if Ella was dancing around. And what did I see...Miss Ella, all dressed in one of the dresses we had brought on the visit trip, her hair done so specifically, her shoes on and smiles all around!!!! But no Isaac!!! Where? What??? Sleeping! He had a severe virus and needed his rest. Not much longer into the good-bye coffee ceremony, out came an orange and white striped Isaac all groggy and sweet!!!!

Leaving the orphanage was very emotional. We are so sure that the children are loved and cared for. And this proves it!!!! We believe Ella has memories of vans of being taken to doctors, new orphanages, etc. And where were these new white people taking her? Into a van! So the nurse and caretakers embraced her fully, wrapped her in love and kissed her with so much love and placed her in Daddy's arms into the unknown. Tears were falling from every one's eyes, screams of fear came from Ella and my heart was breaking for Ella and Isaac as we were once again pulling them from the comfort of the known.

It wasn't too long back at Sadula that Ella cracked a smile at us. It was all good from there out...except when we had to get into the van again the next day:( Isaac on the other hand, he was in pure shut-down mode. We were very familiar with this possibility and ready. He slept on my shoulder and wanted nothing to do with Josh. (Broke Daddy's heart a bit, being the only BOY!!!) He needed one person (probably the one with boobs! like his caretakers) and one person only. So he slept on my shoulder and chest and had very little affect. Sad. It was days before he would do anything other than be on my body. A necessary part of transition for him. I didn't mind the little man on me!!! But I knew he was hurting.

The next day was gotcha day at the embassy! Signed, sealed and delivered! Visa's were granted the following day at 10:00 am! On this day we were also treated to an unbelievable traditional luncheon and coffee ceremony at our contact's home in Addis. It was such a blessing to experience the country in this manner...and on a National Fasting Day (a treat for a vegetarian!!!) You may notice my traditional clothing and head scarf I was donned with in the picture above. Another treat!

Saturday was the last day we spent in Ethiopia. We flew out at 11:35 pm. So we had much of the day to enjoy the kids, pack and...take care of Ella's hair!!! I asked Josh to take her down to the front desk to see if anyone within the hotel did braiding, as we really weren't supposed to leave the hotel with the kids. The lady at the front desk waved her finger back and forth in dismay and said, "No, no, no, you need salon!" Haha!!!! So, Daddy and Ella walked one block outside of the hotel gate and Ella got braids!!! She thought she was HOT STUFF!!!! Oh and you ask how much???? Converted=$4.00!!!!!

Flying home was a trip...not a trip like, "Hey let's take a trip!" No like, "Life's a trip!" Holy crap! Literally!!! Remember back up in this post I stated that Isaac had a severe virus so he needed his rest?! Well, this virus caused him to poop! And poop, and poop, and poop, and poop! I mean this wasn't just regular old baby poop. This was stinky, ranky, what kind of indigenous and rabid animal crawled up there, died, fermented and turned into runny juice, fell out of Isaac's bum, kind of poop! Yep, we went through 5 outfits on the flights home for him and I changed my clothes twice. And they say pack lightly for carry-ons! What a farce!

And Ella, she was a trip too! She had such an issue with the seat belts that the FAA thinks are soooooo important (teehee!!) that she cried, no...let's say screamed and the top of her lungs for 30 minutes about wearing the belt...until, when....YEP...she barfed! Yep, she barfed from crying so hard about a seat belt! We had to fight the battle! Thank you FAA and thank you seat belt laws! Sorry fellow passengers! Side note, she fell asleep just before landing. Icing on the cake. *nice*!

The arrival home at the airport was so amazing! We quickly changed the kids clothes into something less poopy and for Ella, a pretty dress instead of her comfy jammies. With the heavy load of carry-ons that we had (sorry Lufsthansa!) we trooped down to be met by what we expected to be a group of 10 or so! Exciting!!! My heart was beating for all of them to meet the kids and for me to see Leah and Logan (I missed them sooooo much more on this trip!!!). But when we rounded the corner, we saw at least 25-30 people waiting there with balloons, gifts, cameras, and beaming smiles and tears! It was an amazing 1 hour long welcome party!!!!! THANK YOU to all that came and welcomed our stinky selves home!!!!!

The next few posts, it is my hope, to address each of the family members. How the adjustment is going, pros and cons and ups and downs; new experiences for each of these people and what this household is REALLY like for each member of this family (from my perspective...this ought to be good)!!!!

Update - Post 4 Kids

Busy....very busy!

I will post more when I am more coherent with sleep and don't have Isaac poop dripping from every place!!! Serious!

Video

Just wanted to share this video with all of you as I watched it on another mother's blog...profound and impacting! I hope to spend a good part of my life in Ethiopia or Guatemala doing this kind of work!!! (Betcha didn't know that...but it's true!)

Ordinary Hero~ A day in the trash dump in Ethiopia from Kelly Putty on Vimeo.

It's Official

It's official, we're a family of six!

Yes, I know that I've said it before as we had passed court back in July and that we visited them then too...but Ella and Isaac officially have the Knight last name!!! They were issued their Ethiopian passports as well as their Ethiopian birth certificates, both with our family name on them!!! Hooray!!! These documents were the final hurdles to bringing them home!!! On a bit of a side note, both of the kids have Josh's name as a middle name right now: Miheret Joshua Knight and Yonas Joshua Knight. Talk about a patriarchal society!! When they come home, they will be provided with their new given names.

But many of you want to know when the official family of 6 will be together...under one roof!!! We finally know that answer too!!! Josh and I will fly out of Lansing on August 23rd and arrive in Addis Ababa on the 24th. We should have the children in our care on the 25th. We have a US Embassy appointment to solidify the VISA and paperwork on behalf of the USA on the 26th. Then we fly out of Bole International Airport on the 28th late at night and will return to Lansing on SUNDAY AT 6:30!!!!!

You are invited to come to the Lansing Airport, if you feel so inclined, to welcome us home and greet the children! I am hopeful that Leah and Logan will be simply awed with their new new sister and brother!!!! Our flight hopefully will arrive at 6:30 pm from Chicago (Lufthansa) but we still aren't sure if we will be going through customs and immigration in Chicago or in Lansing. So, know that although we arrive in Lansing at 6:30 it may be a bit of a wait for us to be cleared from the officials if we have to go through all of that in Lansing. We love the idea of many of you welcoming us all home and seeing us become a family of six!!!

Please know that we will not allow you to hold Isaac. Touching, caressing, and hugging is fine! But he needs to know that he is safe and not being passed from us to MORE people. He will just be beginning the bonding and attachment process with us...so mommy and daddy only. And Ella...well...we're going to let her lead us in how she responds. If she is clinging to us, please respect her space and her need for us, the 2 she knows!!! If she is wild and crazy in this celebration...give her hugs and celebrate with her!!! Just try to read her emotional state...if you will!!!

So, this week is devoted to our family of 4!!! We have been swimming, painting, face painting, playing Polly Pocket, coloring, tea partying, eating ice cream, and all of the fun things that summer can bring!!! Good times have been had by mom and dad just as much as by the girls!!!

Leah and Logan have been champs through this process!!! They are thrilled with the idea of having a baby and a little sister! Logan has learned the concept of giving and sharing with others in need. She helped fold some clothes that will be given to the kids at the orphanage. While doing so, she even offered to donate one of her lovies to the kids at the orphanages...*tear*...I didn't take her up on the offer!!!! So, if anyone should be hugged, cuddled and loved-on Sunday night when we arrive at the airport, it should be Leah and Logan, they are two amazing little girls whose worlds are going to change, for the better, but albeit, change. They will be needing some extra attention from those they love and love them!!!!

A Bit About Ethiopia

Words cannot amply describe what we saw, experiences we had, things we touched, 'stuff' we smelled....and the food we ate! But I will make every effort to give you a glimpse into our repertoire of amazing memories!!!

We entered Bole International Airport, after nearly 2 days of flying around the world, to be greeted by stone-faced customs officers. We were given no problems, no slack...just very firm. I do though remember that my officer gave me a welcoming smile and said, "Enjoy!" as I walked into the wide open spaces of this airport.

We were greeted by the friendliest man from the Sadula Lodge, our hotel. He had the most wonderful smile, and he was so warm and welcoming! I instantly felt at ease! I never felt uncomfortable, scared, nervous...I was very 'at home' there. We walked out to the van into a cold, rainy dark night. What else could we have expected...it's the rainy season! Our driver loaded the luggage and we were set. I quickly took initiative and asked the driver, "Can I sit in front?" His reply, "Yes, yes, yes, yes!!!" I don't think many requested that! But I wasn't going to miss ONE OPPORTUNITY in this trip...I was taking full advantage of being in this country. We played shy in Guatemala because we had to because of safety concerns, but here...not an issue! So I plopped my big, white American self up front to see all that I could see!!!!

(Yes, that's a Sweetie-Pie Pantry pie box!!!! Haha!!!)

We arrived to the hotel just in time for the 9:00 pm hour. We were exhausted...but not too exhausted to go out to dinner with our contact in-country!! Haha! So, not too long after arrival, we were in an Americanized pizza house!!! Anything other than airline food was great!!! And Josh experienced his first Ethiopia beer!!! Our contact was sure to encourage the beers!!!

Arrival, July 23, 2010

That night was also the night that we provided all of the donations to our contact. It is suggested that we provide them to him, he will divide them between the orphanages, and then give to the items based on who-needs-what. I am confident that all of the kiddos will benefit from all of your donations! Thank you again!

We then packed it up at the restaurant, then packed it up at the hotel so we could wake early to travel South to Awassa. Let the sleep deprivation prevail, and let the experiences of amazing proportion begin!