Ella - - - She's Home!!!!!

We'd like to introduce our daughter, with her full given name, Ella Miheret Sidama Knight. Let me explain her name to all of you!!!

Ella: We just like it! Timeless, simple, sweet, ageless, not an "L" but close!

Miheret: Her birth name as given to her by her birth parents. This is very important to us as to preserve who she IS. It was also very special to her birth father! He bowed his head in gratefulness when we told him that we would keep her birth name. As many of you know, we also kept the twins' birth names as middle names. Very special to us now and forever!

Sidama: A last minute decision on our part! We didn't know what to do with this third name...but all of the other children had 2 middle names so we felt that we wanted to do this for Ella too. We thought, tried, processed...nothing seemed right. When we were in Ethiopia visiting the region that she was born in, we learned of the area she was from. It is called Sidama. It's also the name of the language her village speaks as well as the name of the calendar that her village uses. Thus, "Sidama" is part of Ella. It only seemed appropriate and the best fit for her! Each time we use the word, call her by this particular name, she gets all giddy and says, "E-pee-oo-pee-a"!!!

Life As We Know It

I probably could write a complete non-fiction about Ella and the experiences that we've shared in the short time she's been home, but I will do my best to share only the ones that I feel will be most beneficial to other families who are planning to bring home children who are "older" versus under a year of age, as well as for those of you who just will get some idea of what we, as couples who choose build our families through adoption, 'go through' or deal with as a result of bring home a child who is 'older'. Not to mention for those of you who are dear friends that are reading this to see, 'where the heck have they gone since they brought home those two other kiddos???' You want to know...wheelin' and dealin' with a whole lot of everything!

Rules

Rules-schmules! No-Schmo! Boundaries-Schmoundaries! We believe Ella has CLEARLY been parented to a much different standard than our's!!! She has no concept of living within a home, with doors, that contain her which do not allow her to do what she pleases at any given time. She has a limited concept of an adult telling her no and then having that same adult follow through with that "no". AKA - Parenting 101 in the USA. She responds with a resounding gut wrenching, tearful, snot-filled, saliva-dripping screaming fit where she refuses all eye and verbal contact. If you've ever tried to force a child to look at you or talk to you, you just can't do it. I know this from working with students who are Deaf. Ella is no exception to this rule. She just adds the bodily fluid element to the fun!

Following the rules of being in a family are becoming easier for Ella and she is having fewer meltdowns. For this, I thank God. No adoption readings, trainings, or discussions with other parents can prepare anyone to deal with this effectively and efficiently the first, second or third time. I think we've got it now...think! But anyone who tells you, "Oh she just needs a good hug!" No, I disagree. She needs a million good hugs after a million consistent effective follow-throughs!!!!

Playing

Having siblings is something brand new for Ella. And to boot, she's now the middle child! Oye vay! Playing with an older set of twins, who often seem to 'have it out for her' is a challenge. It would be for any little one! She's often a fan of wanting to play with whatever Leah, Logan or even Isaac has in their hands. I often wonder, is this because she sees how to play with this toy now because she didn't know how before or is it because she wants that attention from us, positive or negative (it simply doesn't matter to her!!!)

Pretend play is her specialty though! One of the best is her coffee ceremony specialty! She goes out to our mini crab apple tree with my dad, picks a bunch of the apples, 'roasts' them, 'grinds' them by smashing them, then fans the coals of the plastic tupperware! So cute!!! She's also got great ethnic dancing skills. She loves to me how to shake my shoulders!!!! Her culture is thick and I am in love with it all! I want her to hold on to that in her play...but it's already fading. :(

Bonding and Attachment

We're still working on this. It's really slow for us. I'll be honest...she's a frustrating kiddo. I'm not gonna sugar coat this whole process for anyone who is going through an adoption of an older child...homecoming is awesome and a miracle! I do believe God placed this child in my heart, family and made her my daughter. I know that her birth family was led to make this decision by the hand of God. I will admit I've needed to count and breathe many a-time with all that happens in our home with the kids. I DO LOVE HER without hesitation, and I think she is beginning to love me!

She has not formed a strong attachment to either Josh or myself. She knows that we are mommy and daddy and knows home and her siblings. But she's also very happy to go with other people as well as complete strangers. This is cause for concern for me yet. I know it's only been a short time home living in a family structure and with us; I seem to want this to happen sooner than it probably can. I need to remind myself of all of the things that she has experienced and seen for the first time EVER, let alone gotten a mommy and daddy and a home with walls, doors and stairs. I also need to remind myself of all of the things that she experienced and learned that were appropriate in Ethiopia and in her birth family that simply aren't by our American standards. It's a slow learning curve for me. But it's a constant reminder I must give to myself.

Sleep

This has gotten MUCH better. Let's just say it used to be the same bodily fluid scream session with each nap and bedtime, but we're over that! We just have to be in her room as she falls asleep now, then we can let her rest all night! Amen!

Eating

While in Ethiopia, Ella ate all ethnic/cultural food. She loved injera!!!! In our hotel in Ethiopia she loved all of the "American" snacks and dinner foods that we brought with us...The American snacks and foods did NOT like her intestinal tract. She still has some real indigestion with certain foods that she eats. She eats almost anything...but fruit. Are you kidding...fruit?! I guess it's because there weren't many fresh fruits available to her as she grew up. She is more of a legume kind of girl!!! Go figure!!!! Nevertheless, she's also a Mylanta Kids kind of girl too!

Age

We brought home a 3 year 9 month old girl. Today we are raising a 2 year 11 month old girl. Huh, you ask?! Haha!!! We noticed Ella was a teeny-tiny-tot when we visited in July. When we came home with her, we talked to the pediatrician and she ordered a bone age test. This is simply an X-ray of the hand and wrist bones and they can approximate a child's age from those bones. Result = 2 1/2->3 years of age. Thus, with the doctor's documentation we will be changing her birth date from 2006 to 2007...didn't know we could do that, did ya?!

So, that's Ella in a nutshell. She's a dynamic, complex, happy, lovable little girl who is full of Ethiopian culture but is absorbing American culture and English every second of every day that she is HOME! We are more than thrilled to have her as our daughter, to love this little girl, to live, laugh and play with her like she has never experienced before!